More Interviews To Come

The interview on Friday went well. I had good answers to the questions and everything I saw of the place and the people there reassured my impression that it's going to be a cool place to work. There is a second interview where I will continue to square off with another applicant, this time to test my technical aptitude.

The questions I'm told will be vague and mostly none language specific. In a sense I'm confident that I'll come through this interview quite well - much better than if they were asking C# specific questions where my experience is very limited. On the other hand I'm worried my rival candidate will also interview very well in this stage, having university fresh in his mind and a placement year working with application development not to far behind him either. It's fair to say my OOP skills will be a little rusty after 2 years of ASP development. But the guy seemed very appreciative that programmers don't hold all their skills in their heads at all times, and as long as they understand what they're doing they then find the syntax as and when they need it, and I'm guessing this is what he meant they account for when he said it wouldn't be very specific questions.

Anywho...I'm gonna brush up :-P

They'll be in touch on Monday/Tuesday to arrange an interview time for the late week. This is the last interview they're planning on, so after that, it comes down to the decision.

BOM BOM BOMMMMMMM!

If I get the job, I'm going to help the other guy with his CV and stuff and to find another job. If he gets it, I'm going to move into his house until I find a new job. Sounds fair to me :-)

After the interview I dropped in on Caleb (tis on the route home), and played some Halo. I usually figure I'll get 0-2 points in a halo game against people who play more often. It's one of those games where familiarity and past use has a direct relationship with the points you'll get, but only in one of the matches did I suck like that - in the others I got 6pts and 8pts, etc (first to 15 with 3 - 4 players per game), coming in 2nd and 3rd. I still got it :-P

I also had a chippy, with, wait for it - gravy. Yeah - Pudding and Chips with Gravy. I'd almost forgotten what that's like. So bad for you, yet so good.

Anyway, that was my Birthday, I'm now an ancient 24. I'm off to pull and 18 year old to reassure myself I'm still sexy.
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Phil

All Things to All Me's

So I've been getting more than my regular dose of the church lately.  Over the last few months I've been going to the Boiler Room in central London, who have become a staple Christian community in my life if you're keen to see things that way.  It's mainly about prayer with these guys.  We don't come together to get a preach or follow a pattern and sing songs, not that I mind any of that - but boiler rooms are geared more for just coming together, praying, and being part of your every day community.  See me trying to define what it is now is proving a little hard cos it doens't fit into my words very well.  But there are people there from across the spectrum on theological beliefs and traditions, and it toally doesn't matter, because we all come together to pray, and at the risk of sounding soppy, to love each other.

I mentioned the Philosophy conference a little while back.  Not Christian in allignment or anything, but it enevitably questions some of the same things, and has a certain culture of practice that I guess stays in my head as a contrast to the church culture - something it very much did to the boiler room the following week when we decided to have a little study of the bible and debate for the first time in that setting.

 

In addition to the Boiler Room, Event Season has begun.  Not working for e8 anymore, I wont bare a brunt of this period but I wont miss it completely.  Youth Rally kicked it off a few weeks back, and I slotted in a Youth Councils last weekend to keep it going.  I was only at the Youth Councils to help my freind Paul Brearley, who was responsible for bringing the tech together on the day and did a brilliant job might I add.  I just tried to take a few of the time consumers out of the equation on set up and pack down, and took care of addition jobs during the event.  It mostly allowed me to take a step back and enjoy the day a bit more than I would have done working on it proffessionally (first person to mention Sam, Tom, or any like them get's a smack).  Anyway, it was interesting to see that bit of Church life happening and speak the Christian language for a few hours straight as a stranger to the group.  My friend Carl's brother also made for suitable play when I got bored, so thanks for that Craig.

 

This weekend I was of course in Hedge End with Suz and the good people at her church, the Gap.  There were a good range of people there to, and Suz and I managed to get some Rob Bell in, which was a good little experience to round off an several hour discussion about faith that went on till 4am.

 

Last night we had more debate at the boiler room and it got a lot more meaty than last time.

 

The effects of all this has been a lot of thinking about faith and God and Chruch and stuff.  Through it all I've met new people and they've asked me some questions I've not been asked for a while - like, 'Are you a Christian?' and 'You a bible basher?' that... I don't really know what to say to.  I mean I know what to say... to the first man, 'Yes', and the second, 'No'.  But the first wasn't really asking if I was a Christian and I knew that.  He was asking if I was his kind of Christian and the answer was 'No'.  The second wasn't asking if I was an evangelical nut job, he was just asking if I had faith in God, and the answer to that was yes, but needs a bit more opening up.  Then people have asked 'What church do you go to?', and I can say, 'London Boiler Room' if I want to just appease them, but I don't think of it as 'a church' and it's not what they mean.  The truthful answer is, 'There is only one Church', but then that's seen as being awkward I guess, so then my answer could as easily be 'None', which will trigger them to worry and pray for my soul (good luck to 'em).  I guess with regards to church what I've realised is that I'm now an outsider of sorts.  I can speak their language, but I don't think in it anymore.  I'm not sure what I'm meant to do with a church service.  I mean... I do - I know *exactly* what you're meant to do with a church service, better than most people who regularly attend them in some ways, but I just don't have much of a desire to access that, or do anything with the experience.  I also know some people who might read this are thinknig 'See he's got all his understanding in his head - all that logic and knowledge but he doesn't have God in His heart and that's why he feels nothing in church' but seriously, guys, take it from me just this once - I got it, I do.  I'm not talking about that.

 

At the same time as being outside the church culture, I'm still valued inside it.  And with my outsider vision goggles perhaps valued even more by some now.  And I continue to have a strong faith, and an expanding knowledge of it that speaks more than any membership can do.

 

I don't have a point by the way - I'm just thinking out loud.  I usually try to construct my blogs with some points in mind but hey, I guess I might not publish this one.

 

More questions I'm asked - Do you beleive the bible?  What do you do?  Is the Salvation Army ok with you being gay?

 

The middle one's not so much about Church but it is about identity and this all mixes in.

 

What are you thinking about?  You think X - Y - Z.  You like A - B - C.

 

The last two aren't so much questions as much assumptions - this is about people telling me their perception of my identity I guess.

 

Ok now I'm just rambling.  I guess to bring this to some point is that I'm not in much of a hurry to box myself, and a lot of people seem keen to box me right now.  Which makes me think maybe I box others too and shouldn't be so sure.  Maybe I too box myself sometimes when I shouldn't even be so sure of that.

 

I'm Phil.  All the faith, power, failings, knowledge, skills, opinions, and weaknesses that are ever changing, and ever strong, is unique to me.  I'm nothing but myself.  That's how I'm feeling right now anyways.

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Phil

Not alone...

Many of you will know that my friend Suz has been with me a lot over the last month or so.  It all seems a bit blurry in hindsight and I'm not sure what to talk about, but because she's made it quite clear she wants this known, I'll start by saying the blog about me being on the Bridge in London should be altered, because I was not in fact alone on that night - Suz was with me as well.  Hasn't that changed everything for you?  Ok ok, being less cheeky now, in all seriousness it's been really good to have all this time together - it's not often you get spend so much time with a close friend like this and we've had late chats into the night, laughter, tears, rants, and Jon and Suz have had more than one musical number.

 

Last weekend I went to Hedge End where Suz lives right now and met all her friends there, who are all largely crazy, but all the right kinds of crazy :)

 

I really don't know what things to pick out and talk about from the last few weeks or even the weekend... I'm just going to say that I'm glad I was here at the right time and Suz, I love you loads - I'm very glad you never let me go.

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Phil

Bye Bye Blackbird 3/4: Work

Blackbird, singing the blues all day,
Right outside of my door.
Blackbird, why do you sit and say,
There's no sunshine in store.
All through the winter I hung around,
Now I begin to feel onward bound,
Blackbird, gotta be on my way,
Where there's sunshine galore.

Well to cut a long story short, for those who don't yet know, I'm leaving the elucid8 team. So much has changed in my life over the past 3 years and maybe no more than in the last 4 months. Through it all a part of my identity has been in found in my work. For a while, last year especially, it was about all I placed my identity in, so to leave it fills me with a deep sense of loss.
People have asked me about my timing - why leave now? What's changed this month? Etc etc. I think it's probably easier to ask what hasn't changed, but even so, the decision isn't out of the blue - it's been on the cards for a year in a way, and when I had to move from Carshalton my rent went up significantly so it comes to mind with greater frequency.

Work aside, It's not been all that well hidden to most that I've felt pretty depressed these last few months. Not without due cause, which I won't go through just here, but yeah - it's been a gauntlet, and I wasn't in a great place at the start. Now we're here, a new year, in the aftermath of my life. It continues to be hard; I can't find energy or passion for my daily tasks, and that impacts my quality and abilities. Right now, elucid8 needs a keen workaholic skilled energetic young programmer with few needs, and I'm not so much that guy. I've also not been immune to seeing friends I shared a graduation year with being promoted and getting on with there careers. It won't be the reason but it adds in. So as much as the flexibility, workmates, and projects have made it worthwhile before, the situation's not going to work for anyone soon enough. The shake needs to happen before e8's losing out and for me, it's now time for many reasons, including lifestyle, money, training, and perhaps something as fickle as my mood and atmosphere.

I'm happy to say the memories I take of e8 are fond and warm. I've been with elucid8 for over two and a half years now. I've had 4 desks, 2 offices, and 5 computers. That means I change stuff more than anyone else in the company, but hey - I like new things :)
It's not always been easy, there's been more than a few late nights and hell, more than a few all-nighters spread over the many months. A lot of people don't really get why I don't mind working in such a way. That's because they don't understand creative work I guess - you get into it, your mind starts seeing the text and code differently - it's like an engrossing story or puzzle, and you can't always switch off and go home when you're pumped on it. It's been a place that at times, I've thrived on the way we work, and that's very rewarding.

I'll miss my workmates, and the guys at ALOVE. It's been a privilege to work on projects that go towards making the world a better place, and to make a difference to at least those people that make a difference... If you follow me. I know a few people are even envious of the position I've had here, the work I've done and the contribution it makes. It really has been an honour for all that and I thank the people who gave me this time.

We've laughed, we've cried, we've lost consciousness from prolonged exhaustion. It's been a hoot... Now I gotta be on my way.

'Where am I going?', I'm sure you're eager to know. I have not a clue. Could be anywhere in the world I guess... Footlose and fancy free I think the phrase is. All I can say is watch this space, and think of it as an adventure!
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Phil

Bye Bye Blackbird 2/4: The Boy

These song bits are getting more tenuous and coming in reverse order best I can tell... Ah well, I started with the theme so I'll go on...

Pack up all your care and woes,
Here I go, singing low,
Bye Bye Blackbird.
Where somebody waits for me,
Sugar's sweet, so is he,
Bye Bye Blackbird.
No-one here can love and understand me,
Oh what sorry stories they all hand me,
Make the bed and light the light,
I'll be home late tonight,
Blackbird, Bye Bye.

One month ago, The Burning Crusade came out, and I decided to spend the weekends at home. As well as the direct result of my character being level 64, this decision has had several knock on effects. I broke up the newly designated recreational time with West Wing box sets and socialising, which soon resulted in the presence of a man in my life (the socialising more than the west wing).

 

He's a real nice guy, has terrible taste in jokes, but he cooks so it's forgiven. I think I'm still trying to mask the random craziness that lies beneath my calm exterior, but sooner or later I'm going to need to open up a bit more. Anyway, it's early days and right now, we're just good mates. He makes me smile, and it's nice to feel that way with someone again.  

So he's been what's kept me off WoW, expansion pack or not (there's a good opportunity for a joke here I'm sure), and I've loved every Real World second of it :-D

 

What'd be great, is if I can get him hooked ont he old WarCrack too :P
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Phil

Bye Bye Blackbird 1/4: Car

 

Bluebird, bluebird, calling me far away
I've been longing for you.
Bluebird, bluebird, what do I hear you say?
Skies are turning to blue, I'm like a flower that's fading here,
Where ev'ry hour is one long tear.
Bluebird, bluebird this is my lucky day.
Now my dreams will come true.

 

Well... I sold my car.  Bluebird, the two seater Smart car is currently in West London, supplimenting what is now a small fleet, previously made up of two vans in a builders family business.  The verse above is part of a song called 'Bye Bye Blackbird', and if I'm really clever, I'll be able to link each verse to one of my 4 part blog posts because... it seems appropriate.  Bluebird is the positive in the song - it's home, family, freedom, and love.

 

I was sad to see it go, the car once belonged to my Grandfather and was his pride and much joy towards the end of hs life.  That car's since taken me round the nation on work and social trips; gigs; holiday; demon slaying; relocations; and more.  Smarts are great cars for those people who when they're honest, have lifestyles that call for nothing more - they're nippy, responsive, comfortable, cheap to run and just no hassle.

 

When I first brought the car home, I ran up to the loft and started digging through boxes of old toys and stuff.  I was looking for a small red box that you held infront of your eye.  Inside, a negative sat against the white base, which you held up to the light so it would illuminate the picture and you'd see the photograph of my grandparents inside.  They were at a meal, looked like a ball room dancing kind of occasion, and they're eating a very english meat and two veg in their poshest clothes.  They both look really happy there, it's just how I remember them being when ever I go see them.  I found it amongst the Visionaries and Ring Raiders - I probably used the little angled red object as an extra fighter plane in my air armada of Manta Force toys at some point and it ended up in that box.  It since lived in my car, in the draw below the ash tray and when no-one's looking and I'm sat waiting in a carpark or some place... I often sneak a look and spend a few moments remembering my Grandad.

 

So yeah.... I'm sad to see it go.

 

The money is helpful, because it gives me a little to live off while I look for another job.  This is important, because I quit my job.  I really really want to spend money on a new computer - I've been telling everyone who will (or wont) listen for about a year now that Feb/Mar 07 is the *best* time to buy a new PC, and definately not before.  I've been holding my PC together with gaffa tape to stave off replacing it, and shared the dreams of computers I'm drooling over when I saw their 'Coming Soon' publicity.  My predictions on hardware have been bang on the money so far, and I still think now's the time, but I've waited this long, and while a PC bought now will get the most time out of it, personally speaking it's no better a time to be spending for anything, let alone a top spec PC.  As soon as I'm hooked up with a source of income, a new PC is my only goal but I'm keeping the card in the wallet for now - the car will go to feeding and sheltering me before anything else. 

After that, it'd be nice to start making some savings, start a pension, and pay off debt - it's time I started having grown up finaces.  

I know I know... I'm getting old.

 

So while I didn't want to sell Bluebird, ever, it would have to happen one day, and it's not going for the sake of a computer - I'll need the savings for the next month or two to live, and I'd stopped driving a while ago because the cost of insurance was just too much and I don't really need a car anyway.

In a month or two... or three or four... I'll buy that flagship computer and on it, I'll place the little red view peice and remember Grandad when I sit down at the end of each day to join my friends online.  And I'll still miss my little car :)

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Phil

Big Changes

Appologies for the lack of blogging lately.  Everything is going on and there's no time to write about it.  Just so you know I'm alive though (and Amanda I will return your call today to assure you of that by phone - sorry to not have done it sooner), the plan is that there will soon be 4 entries posted.  One will be about my car, one will be about my work, one will be about my 'love life', and one will cover everything/anything else.  And then you'll all know why it is no-one's heard from me for a week or two.

It wont be tonight though, for tonight I'll be down at the 24-7 London Boiler Room till too late to blog :)

 

In the mean time, something to ponder...

 

If you could wake up tomorrow with one of the following abilities, which would you choose:

 

a) The ability to hear people's thoughts (someone will wonder if this ability has an on/off toggle.  Let's say they're generally quiet unless you focus on them)

 

b) To remain permanently in top physical shape for your age without effort, giving you not superhuman, but peak human physical abilities, a lot of energy, and of course - a damn hot body.

 

c) The ability to understand & speak any 4 languages fully and fluently. (if so, which languages you gonna go with?)

 

Until next time!

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Phil