This weekend I spent a lot of money, but I got to see Mark, Alison, and Chris in Sheffield, and my old uni mates in Manchester – both hose things were worth every bit of course. It was a little ragged – lots of travel and not much rest, and I could have used a bit of that, but it wasn’t going to be too bad until the train journey home. Having not slept too much the night before and already having spent over 2 hours on the trains/buses today, I just wanted to get home. Unfortunately, the carriage I sat on was full of rowdy yobs, and an argument between the yobs and the civilised people broke out before we even left the station. The Train Manager gave the lads a warning but they were hardly peaceful as we moved on, and kept telling everyone as loudly as they could that after the stop before theirs, they were going to cause a riot. Yay.
Luckily, the train broke down before we go to that point. Yay.
We stood on the freezing cold platform for 40 minutes while another train was called in. It was of course, much shorter, and there weren’t enough seats. So the rest of the journey was even more comfortable and while the yobs were split up in the chaos and settled down for the rest of the trip, the whiney screaming annoying piercing little brats a few seats up were more than ready to step into the breach and ensure that no-one on the carriage could maintain a shred of sanity.
Rolling into St. Pacras, I walked all the way to the Northern line southbound platform in my zombiefied state before I discovered it was out of action on both routes all the way to Stockwell, and you had to find alternative routes. Walking back up and to the Victoria line, I headed south to Stockwell, waited 20 minutes for a Northern line tube, and stumbled from Clapham Common station to my flat.
I got some food, chatted to Jon a bit, then Suz on the phone, and went to sleep. I was woken up at about 4am by a table crashing down in my room, and then again at about 8:00am by Mattius (who I hung up on :P) and then… again by my alarm at 9, and got up about 10. I didn’t think I’d ever get out of the shower while I stood there in the hot water (first shower since Friday incidentally so I was pretty scanky by then), and managed to get ready, take deep breaths, and drag my feet to work, quite a bit late. Yay.
The astute amongst you may have noticed my blog hasn’t been much about me lately – just reviews and little things. This isn’t because nothing’s been going on – it’s more the opposite really and I don’t think I’ve either had it in me or felt it right to blog about any one of the things that constitute the big pile of ‘stuff’ that makes up my life right now.
It’s fair to say, the last month or two have been a train wreck in pretty much every aspect. Finances, relationships, work, time, health, and all the rest of it – I feel like I haven’t really stopped or achieved very much, if not made things worse where possible.
Not too get too gloomy – I figure everyone who reads this, being related to my life in one aspect or more share the exact same crap situations in some number, so you probably understand and know it’s just something we all have to get through.
I wish this entry was about coming to the end of this time, but I think the hardest parts are still ahead of us and I sometimes feel I’m already beyond my limits. It’s times like these when it’s good to have places to retreat to emotionally and mentally if in no other way. Some people suggest prayer, and while prayer is important and effective in some ways, I find in times of hardship prayer is far from restful. It’s the ground on which you battle the deepest impact of the difficulties – I tend to get pretty intense to be honest. The church of course is there to give rest and support in times of need, though the church is far from that role in my life these days – I find it quite hard to be around some of the other Christians I’ve been running into, and not feel offended, disrespected and to generally despair within a very short space of time. I’ve even got a little angry at people I should never feel angry towards, and I’m challenging myself to hold those responses and feelings captive, but if they were to take a break from aggressive stupidity for a while that’d help a lot.
Anyway… I guess I’m saying it was time to do a blog about me, and to round up – I’m a very busy, unstable, useless, high stressed and exhausted mass of steaming emotion who had a very bad train journey home and not nearly enough sleep, on a very uncomfortable bed.
__
Phil
Luckily, the train broke down before we go to that point. Yay.
We stood on the freezing cold platform for 40 minutes while another train was called in. It was of course, much shorter, and there weren’t enough seats. So the rest of the journey was even more comfortable and while the yobs were split up in the chaos and settled down for the rest of the trip, the whiney screaming annoying piercing little brats a few seats up were more than ready to step into the breach and ensure that no-one on the carriage could maintain a shred of sanity.
Rolling into St. Pacras, I walked all the way to the Northern line southbound platform in my zombiefied state before I discovered it was out of action on both routes all the way to Stockwell, and you had to find alternative routes. Walking back up and to the Victoria line, I headed south to Stockwell, waited 20 minutes for a Northern line tube, and stumbled from Clapham Common station to my flat.
I got some food, chatted to Jon a bit, then Suz on the phone, and went to sleep. I was woken up at about 4am by a table crashing down in my room, and then again at about 8:00am by Mattius (who I hung up on :P) and then… again by my alarm at 9, and got up about 10. I didn’t think I’d ever get out of the shower while I stood there in the hot water (first shower since Friday incidentally so I was pretty scanky by then), and managed to get ready, take deep breaths, and drag my feet to work, quite a bit late. Yay.
The astute amongst you may have noticed my blog hasn’t been much about me lately – just reviews and little things. This isn’t because nothing’s been going on – it’s more the opposite really and I don’t think I’ve either had it in me or felt it right to blog about any one of the things that constitute the big pile of ‘stuff’ that makes up my life right now.
It’s fair to say, the last month or two have been a train wreck in pretty much every aspect. Finances, relationships, work, time, health, and all the rest of it – I feel like I haven’t really stopped or achieved very much, if not made things worse where possible.
Not too get too gloomy – I figure everyone who reads this, being related to my life in one aspect or more share the exact same crap situations in some number, so you probably understand and know it’s just something we all have to get through.
I wish this entry was about coming to the end of this time, but I think the hardest parts are still ahead of us and I sometimes feel I’m already beyond my limits. It’s times like these when it’s good to have places to retreat to emotionally and mentally if in no other way. Some people suggest prayer, and while prayer is important and effective in some ways, I find in times of hardship prayer is far from restful. It’s the ground on which you battle the deepest impact of the difficulties – I tend to get pretty intense to be honest. The church of course is there to give rest and support in times of need, though the church is far from that role in my life these days – I find it quite hard to be around some of the other Christians I’ve been running into, and not feel offended, disrespected and to generally despair within a very short space of time. I’ve even got a little angry at people I should never feel angry towards, and I’m challenging myself to hold those responses and feelings captive, but if they were to take a break from aggressive stupidity for a while that’d help a lot.
Anyway… I guess I’m saying it was time to do a blog about me, and to round up – I’m a very busy, unstable, useless, high stressed and exhausted mass of steaming emotion who had a very bad train journey home and not nearly enough sleep, on a very uncomfortable bed.
__
Phil
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