Aspirations

No no, I’m not talking about breathing out.  The other kind of aspirations – the ambition stuff, to aspire to be, to… well, let’s have a dictionary definition eh?  No expense sparred around here!

Dictionary.com tells us…

as⋅pi⋅ra⋅tion
1. A strong desire, longing, or aim; ambition
2. A goal or objective desired

And the urban dictionary adds…

aspire
1. To perspire around the area of the ass. Usually occurs between cheeks in temperate conditions or during exercise.
Leads to loss of body fluids, resulting in the need for rehydration.
Has been known to leave an arse-shaped residue on plastic chairs, which may lead to public humiliation, social disintegration and polarisation. Be warned.

So there you are. 

Russ said over lunch today that people lose their aspirations when they reach a certain age –  that age might be different for everyone, but at some point you’re not bothered about being more than you are.  Harsh eh?  I think I prefer to flip that round and say at some point people can become content with life, they realise the value of what’s around them and what they’ve accomplished.  He asked me if I thought I’d ever reach the point where I don’t aspire and without hesitation I replied ‘No’.  I surprised myself there if I’m honest - I thought that was an odd reply for me… because… I don’t feel like I’m aspiring much, and if I am, I don’t know what I’m aspiring to, but with 100% self assurance I blurted out a ‘no’, and the realisation of why I did so was in some way more hollow a thought than the alternative.  I think I’ll always aspire to be more than I am, because, and I’m kinda opening up here more than I like to do, because on a very deep level, I don’t believe I will ever feel content with what I am.  Those words are carefully selected there… I think a lot of people aren’t content with who they are, and I don’t think I’m one of those people.  I’m like who I am, but I don’t think I’ll ever be content with what I am.

This train of thought comes off the back of some longer term thought and provoked most recently by a group of people down south who I did church with a few weekends back.  They were thinking about who they are – who, when you take of all the labels you wear – who you are to everyone else and the ‘off the shelf’ identities that you’ve poured yourself into the shape of and cling to so strongly… when you stop being your job, or the friend of your friends, or the partner of your partner, or your nationality… when you’re completely on your own in the middle of nowhere special with nothing to do but be… who are you.  And I gave that some thought… and chatting with the others about it afterwards I came to a point where I think I know who I am, or at least, I’m in touch with who I am – but, there was something that felt out of joint when I stripped off those labels to get at the me that’s left.  It evaded me for a little while, then I figured out the problem was the labels.  In my mind here, the labels are the ‘What’ I am, while the me without labels is ‘Who’, and in my life, the ‘What’ contradicts with the ‘Who’. 

If that makes sense. 

I don’t like what my work contributes to.  Sure – I make a difference when I can and like to think I have a positive influence in decision making that would otherwise be less tempered by… well… I play the games so I can win the odd round.  Anyone with any element to politics in their job will identify with that I think.  And it’s not all bad either – there’s some good in the service portfolio of my work, in fact it has to be at it’s core or no-one would need us and we’d have no business full stop, but it’s just littered with so much other stuff that is perhaps slightly less… based on best intentions.  I suppose that’s business.  I’m just saying I think sometimes we don’t do all we can do in the best interests of peoples lives, though sure, if we did we probably wouldn’t be around for long. But in my personal work remit and how it feels… well the truth is, what few situations I can push positively in, are vastly outweighed by how good I am at my job in the rest of the situations.  I’m not exactly making a legacy of my life… I think that’s why I treasure my time at e8 so highly.  Sure I was poor, very poor, and it wasn’t a sustainable life perhaps, but through all our trials and tribulations, the lean months and the hard sweat… we know, (potentially on the rarest occasions on a global and lasting scale), we know we did some good in this world, in some peoples lives, and it was my honour to be part of those things.  But that’s not what I am now, and maybe that’s ok… but… there’s a part of ‘Who’ I am that demands that.

I had this sussed.  I figured it out before, when I was deciding what to do post-London and if you recall I went to join the RAF.  While we’re being a bit more open than usual, and since I don’t suppose it matters anymore, MOD had been the goal for a long time.  Even going to London, working for e8 was a short term arrangement at first.  Six months to one year I confessed in my initial lunch/interview with Matt to be my commitment limit, and I explained my ongoing application to GCHQ.  That application was moved to MI5, and I interviewed at two stages for a position with them.  I didn't get the post, and there was a day when I walked through the streets of London city heavily weighed down by the knowledge I’d never get to retry that process again, and the aspiration to be what I knew I could have been had to slip away and let me lift my head to fresh ambitions.  I decided where I was (elucid8) had at least been a good thing in the world, and refocused to commit there longer.  When I left to force myself to find a next step, I found the RAF and I realised there was another chance to do the job I knew I was made for.  It’d be harder, and it’d have more strings attached in ways I was less equipped to deal with, but it was a plan for my life that fulfilled who and what I was and could be, and could be good at.  And it didn’t come to pass. 

So, now I wear the only labels that were to hand, and like everything I try to wear them well… but… it’s not who I am.  I don’t know there’s a way to ever be that now, not completely – not all day – and that can’t be unique to me.  You can miss it sometimes, you do.  And you know it’s not so bad – it’s like I said – at some point in your life, even if you don’t meet those aspirations – you become content.  Because life isn’t really about your plan, or what you think you’re going to be.  You don’t happen to life, life happens to you – and one day you’ll have a loving family and a community who are part of you and you’ve brought safety and security and provision to your loved ones and you realise life worked out pretty well despite your best plans.  But I’m not sure I count on that.  I’ll never stop aspiring, because I have nothing but my aspirations to be content by.  And what stopped me in my tracks this lunch time at that realisation, was that I don’t see a way to meet those aspirations anymore. 

But… it’s not an entirely bad thing.  I mean, it sucks, sure. It’s that afternoon in London city all over again and it’s heavy, and it even hurts a little.  But just like then, it’s not just an end – it’s a challenge to find something new.  New aspirations.  A lot of doors are closed to me – I can’t serve the public in an establishment pretty much full stop, but that doesn’t mean I’ve no way to make my mark, or rise to something… useful… to someone.  Maybe it’s a simple as nurturing the heart and giving another thought to becoming someones’ special someone.  There’s a lot of stuff I packed away at various points because they weren’t convenient or I didn't quite see how they’d fit in at the time… and maybe there’s something more to those things.  I’m not over the loss of my MoD ambitions, truth be told it fills me with sadness to think about it, but I’ll get there, and at the same time, I’m looking forward to what else can now be.

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Phil
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A Klingon Challenge

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0f-IzaOUro&hl=en]

When I woke today I had the geekiest urge I’ve had in a long long time. 

In my younger days I’ve been a keen trek fan, and as adulthood and a lack of new series has set in over the last few years that part of me has become much more of a footnote of my overall personality. 
I’m not sure if it’s because of the new upcoming Start Trek film, or because of the later to come games, including the MMORPG Star Trek Online, but I’ve felt that part of my geeche (it’s like a psyche but for geeks) flicker with the spark of fresh life.

My nephew has also apparently taken an instant liking to Star Trek, and has stolen my old Star Trek TNG VHS tapes.  He’s 4… I think, so he’s starting way earlier than me on that but it’s just as well – I saw started watching Star Trek at about 14 and by the time he’s 14 I’m sure we’ll be onto ‘WhiteBeam’ discs or something, which will be like… full surround 3D atmosphere video shizzle or something, and the thought of watching media designed for a flat screen 520 pixels across will seem as odd to him as playing with a flickbook for more than 10 seconds would seem to me.  Ok.. maybe we wont be quite that far from flat media but still…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdSfIZRURPg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1&hl=en]

I’ve also been moving boxes and possessions to the new flat from my rents house and amongst the board games box I chuckled to myself when I saw the ‘Star Trek: The Interactive Video Board Game: A Klingon Challenge’, which is one of those games from the 90’s where you played a VHS tape along side playing the board game and the VHS character would interrupt you at set times and shake it all up. It’s also from the category of ‘So bad it’s funny’ sort of fun, and not only do I own it but I might be guilty of having played it more than once.  With Kai occasionally coming round for the day and a desire to think of a means to occupy him other than slaughtering countless men in various shoot ‘em up games on the x-box, (and he being an excellent excuse to play this shameful game yet another time), I found myself wondering if I could find the video element on YouTube, as I doubt I’ll ever have the means to play a VHS again.

It’s not really on YouTube.  There’s clips but you can’t just play the thing as it needs to be played for the game.  I checked a wider web search and found some torrent sites that claimed in search results to have it but in fact didn’t, and not having any torrent software on my PC I wasn’t sure if I’d be bothered enough to fiddle with all that to get an AVI of the video anyway (which is basically what I’m after), so as a last attempt, I searched for official sites to do with the game (funny how the official sites are the last ditch places I’d go to) to see if other people had shared my desire and complained, resulting in readily available solutions.  Turns out people share my desire but there’s no solutions already available, but I did come across the information that a sequel had always been planned too.  Swap out the VHS with a different one and use the same board and pieces to have a totally different game.  That was always the point of Interactive Video Board games, and I started thinking if they did it on DVD they would have also been able to have interactive selection in the footage like DVD menus (which can be inserted between chapters of video easily enough).  I wondered what the next one would be like, if they’d have an extension to the board that you put on the side, if there were a few new pieces, and what the story might be.  Then I realised, ‘why wonder what it might be?’  I could make one.  Get a small cast together, write a short script and play with the games mechanics a bit.  Any video camera, PC, and video editing software is more than sufficient to produce something of the same quality with which the board game video was made (well… except they had the actual sets to use but… we can do something for that problem with easy to use CGI commonly available to plebes like me in this wonderful age)… I wondered which of my friends would be in on such a project and how we could put it up on a website for anyone with the original board game to use with a download and a few printouts to extend the board with.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atWnjWvF2jg&hl=en&fs=1&hl=en]

Then I looked at the list of things I should have been doing this whole time instead of playing with possible story lines and decided I probably wouldn't have time to see a project of this scale through properly. :-(  And it’d be utterly embarrassingly bad even if we did it I’m sure… still… maybe one day when I have more time and less concern about how cheesy it’d be :)  Until then, I’ll just share the thought with you, and sign off.

Be good,
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Phil
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O2 - see what we can't do

So... I went for the HTC Touch Pro in the end.  I have to say, the Touch Pro, the iPhone, the G1, and the Xperia... they're all awesome devices worthy of adoration and bring much fun and functionality to ones life.  For all their comparative measure, they're each top of the table in very distinct ways.  Go smart phones!

So yeah, I went for the touch pro on O2.  I ordered the phone and got an email telling me the order had been received.
I waited...
I enquired, being on hold for over 20 minutes, about porting my number over.
I got a response telling me I'd be able to do this once I could tell them the serial number and phone number of the phone that they were sending to me. 
I waited...
I waited...
I called, on hold for ... actually I'm about done spending time on O2, I'll just summarise briefly that they're pretty crap and were unable to sort out an account for me for no better reason than their software can't undo an administrative error.  This would be the same reason I left then years ago, as in, the exact same error that apparently was never solved - only 'paused indefinitely'.  Last time this error cost me bank charges and a lot of inconvenience - I didn't feel like giving them another few months to mess me around in and did not believe they would resolve the problem even if I did... so I cancelled the order and that's that.

This left me Vodaphone who stock the X1 and Touch Pro, but their contracts are a bit on the pricey side and I got to looking at the G1 again.  I decided to give it a go, and now own a T-Mobile G1!  It's been a fun toy so far - I hope software continues to come out for it, that's the main risk really, but it's got everything a boy could want and then some, and for surfing the web on, I think it might well be the best of the 4.

Maybe a post for the G1 when I've really explored it.  Until then, be good :)
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Phil.
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Cam-Op

I'm helping a friend cover a gig next week and I'll be operating a camera.  To be honest, I haven't logged that many hours behind a camera in my time.  Lots behind the visual control desk, but not so many on the camera itself - so I'm no expert really.  But I have done it, and having been on control desk often, I do know what shots I'd want to be receiving, so there is some reverse insight.  Would that be outsight..?  Hmmm... well, you know what I mean.

In any case, it's been a while, so I'm trying to refresh my memory on the basics of what I used to tell people who were fresh to cam-op'ing.  While I'm churning it over I may as well share my basic top tips with you all.  These tips have been formed over a few years, mostly from the legends Simon Graham and Matt Smith, with  some... indeed more than I'd like, learnt the hard way from mistakes.

Scene and Positions
Fairly obvious - but make sure there's good camera positions reserved for you, some nice backdrops to use, make sure nothing is in the backdrops you're going to use that shouldn't be, etc etc.  Don't interview someone with the sun behind them, be aware of wind direction on microphones and on the subjects themselves - spend some good time weighing up the setting and the angles well before the event and it will pay of a thousand fold when you come to shoot.

Shot Types
Firstly, let's talk about the basic kinds of shots we use.  When you're on camera, the person mixing the feed in post or live production will be lifting segments from you.  Not everything you point your lens at is going to be used, so you spend your time moving from one 'shot' to another to give the mixer a variety to pick from, taking instruction where possible.  While a shot is live, you tend not to move from it, but many a cam-op have watched the big screens confused as to why their feed is not being used at all - so try to think about what it is you're actually providing and where it fits into a mix of the other cameras on the team.
You might find it helpful to ask yourself how your view fits into one of these categories, and to look at what the mixer already has available.
Long
When mixing, I always liked to have one cam on long.  This is a view that carries little detail - it's an 'audience eye view' if you like, and will likely cover the entire stage or setting of activity.  I sometimes call this the safe shot - because if the closer zoomed cams are missing some sudden and key action, flicking to long will capture it at least in a wide setting.  You can always fade back to a closer cam once the op's on the ground have picked up on the action.  Generally because of the nature of the shot - you only need one long per setting/stage, because it's saying everything there is to be said.
Ambiance
This is a variation on the long - it's just even wider and your subject is not the main subjects of the piece.  In a concert situation, this would be a crowd shot, or extreme long of the stage from the very back of the audience.  There's no detail at all in fact - it's an establishing shot, a super safe shot, and something you should be hardly ever using beyond that.
Mid
Focus on a person or group, capturing their waist to their heads with a little space around them.  This is a nice shot for getting some detail closer than a live audience can make out on the ground, but giving you some margin to follow smoothly should the subject move about.  Especially useful on speakers who pace, sporting events, drama groups.  The majority of shots will tend to be mid shots - it carries with it some context, some subject detail - it's just nicely balanced for the viewer.
Close
So the band's doing that bit of the song where all the instruments have built up to a very loud very intense noisy sound and the singer is about to go into that really long emotional wailing that started as a word but just carries on as an undefined emotional drone and then there's a sustained series of similar effects.  The guy always looks hilarious when he's doing this - like he's constipated or something, and that amuses you and the team, meanwhile the audience and the band think it conveys a depth of emotion or something... point is - we all want to see they guys' face, tightly shot on the big screens so we can see the wrinkles and the sweat beads and everything.  The close is the most detailed, the most intense shot, but if that guy moves the camera will lose him instantly. 
Do use this shot - it's well worth it but don't over use - it will lose potency for the bit in the song you really want it for.  Don't use when they're likely to move a lot, and if they do move out the shot - don't try and follow them - either smoothly zoom out until your range is broad enough enough to catch them in it or stay still, and the mixer will change camera.  Following a moving target on close will just make the audience dizzy.
Craftsman
A very special close up.  Just like the above but specifically this is a close shot not of the subject, but of the subject of the subject.  Using our band example, this is the lead guitarists hand on the strings of the guitar during an impressive solo.  Another example is where we get the name - a craftsmans hands as he's working on a wooden carving. 
Partial/Merged Shots
When in doubt, go to the shots listed above.  But where you are one of several cameras, some more advanced shots might be acquired.  Remember you are one part of several, and where the technology allows, a number of views might be combined to make a more unique effect.  These shots will be sprinkled in amongst stretches of the above basic shots to just keep interest fresh and liven things up periodically.  There's lots to do, but a simple example I often use is to have on person get a mid shot, but hanging the subject to the very left side of the view, leaving loads of empty space on the right.  A second camera should get a close up but only using the right of the screen.  The desk will fade them together with a soft transparency and hey - funky shot.

Bringing it together then...
We start with an ambiance shot, looking down on an old industrial shed like building.  We cut to a view inside the building - a mid shot of the man working a block of wood, perhaps mix in a long shot of the internal of the workshop for better context.  Back to mid, and then fade to a close up of the mans face - see his concentration as the voice over will talk about his years of experience.  As the narrator moves from that to talking of the techniques the man uses, we merge to the shot of the mans hands as he carves, stay for a moment, then back to our mid.  Yes - using that formula alone, over and over, you could produce any program on the BBC's education hour.  And they do.
If you're looking for a homework assignment - try thinking of what merged shot you could use in this little example if you wanted to really shake things up with the education production team.

Head Space
Let's talk about space.  The space is the area of the shot that is not a subject, and getting the right balance of space and subject is what makes the quality.  As the viewer you get engrossed in the subject - so much that your brain filters out the space around them and you don't much notice, but this is where we separate the men from the boys.  It is your job to not let your brain filter it out, and to keep the space in your thoughts.  There some common sense to be had on this whether the subject is a person or an object or whatever, but I'm going to just talk about people subjects because it's what I see wrongly done most often.  
Back and Front
When dealing with people, there should be little to no space that is directly behind the subjects head.  Best illustrated by side shots - the back of the persons head should be close to or touching the frame of the shot, even if this leaves you with more space in front of the subjects head.  If it looks wrong - you need to zoom in a bit, but space in front of a person will look good - you're including a bit of space the person is looking into and that pleases the viewers brain - makes you feel like you yourself have space to occupy - that there's a wider area - less 'squashed up with the subject'.
Top and Bottom
Too much space above and below the subject isn't often helpful.  Again - you need to zoom in a bit if you're in this situation.  Back, top, and bottom space is 'dead space', and I think top space is the easiest to creep in on you.  A small margin might work nicely, but too much and you're making your subject look short and insignificant.  In some cases, you might actually be going for this - perhaps a contrast in a drama, but in general camera work you want to be conscious of top space and try to keep it trim.  Bottom space isn't so bad if it's adding context - the stage floor can provide an interesting angle effect but be critical and conscious of what the space below the subject is doing to your over all picture.

Motion
The word is smooth.  I usually tell green op's if they're on screen, just don't move - it's easier and I'll cut to another view when I want change.  This removes a huge amount of effects though and isn't always possible, so when you move, try and be smooth about it.  Remember the audience isn't controlling the camera - similar to a driver in a car, you don't quite feel how sharp that swerve you just made was because you were expecting it.  The passenger didn't know it was coming, and don't know when you were going to swerve back, and so will have been much more disturbed by it.  Keep the audience in mind and try not to make them sick.
Zooming
Again - smooth.  Zoom at an even pace, and here's a gotcha for any human subject when zooming from mid (waist to head) to close (head) - the centre of a mid shot is the breast plate.  If you zoom, you will be looking at their breasts, so you need to slowly tilt up as you zoom in equal proportion.  Practice this a little to get it smooth because I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a zoom into boobs, then a sharp tilt up to face.

Exceptions
All the above guidelines may well be suspended or deliberately broken to achieve a particular effect.  Perhaps you want jerky zooms in and out to match a crashing sound effect, perhaps you're emphasising that the person is facing the wrong way, or that you are anticipating and event to occur in the top space.  Camera Op'ing is about instinct and intuition more than strict rules, and your director should help guide you in specifics.

Well... hope that's been helpful.  There's tonnes more but this is about all I mention to monkeys who get landed with me.
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Phil
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My Format? Guardian: To Mend and Defend...

It's hard to describe the nature of our work. 

In the development world, you try to buffer deployments through procedures and testing, implementing changes through software over software but in every programmers life, the management will need a quick fix.  And when they do, they need a fool-hardy geek with nerves of steel and an addiction to danger so strong, he isn't afraid to press that execute key. 

The commands lined up stretch on forever, spiraling through the ether of virtual space below the centre fold of our dim small portal into the other world.  A world in which our minds move gracefully through the boolean returns of success or failure, and the gremlins of coders gone by lay in waiting to strike our upgrades down.

In the real world, time ticks on... money haemorrhages from the business giant that only hours ago stood so mightily.

Damn the risks!  The admin department need that system unlocking NOW!

The F5 key sits... starring... daunting... daring:  'Go ahead - you're as sure as you can be.  Run the code.  You wont have missed a coma, or added an unknown space now will you?  There's no hidden mistakes... unknown errors that will destroy the flow of data and make lost forever the structure on which all things rest.  Are there?  Come on... press the key.  Be a hero.'  The voices laugh in sadistic torment.  You stare at the function button as if to see down the barrel of a loaded magnum.

A moment of silence that last forever, I look to my reflection in the dark glass wall behind my screen.

Deep within those databases... I am that crazy maverick.

Execute!
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Phil
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Blizztivision

Blizzard, owners of Warcraft are merging with Activision, owners of... some stuff... umm.. ooh, they make a lot of the Star Trek Games, oh, and Guitar Hero.  I'm sure they do lots of other things too but they're the only ones that come to my mind.

Combined, they're still smaller than the industry giant EA, but both Blizzard and Activision have solid fan bases and very very very lucrative franchises (WoW being chief amongst them), this merger is certainly setting them up to take at swing in EA's league.  It will be interesting to see what happens to the Blizzard franchise set though - in the past, Blizzard have stood their fans by not messing with a good thing.  Over the last 13 years (13ish?), they've sported only 3 main brands (Warcraft, Starcraft, and Diablo... and Starcraft is really just Warcraft with a a different backdrop), which they've not messed about with because the fans have loved them as they are.  Activision on the other hand are more the 'Let's do something completely different' kind of company, experimenting with hardware and game types, putting a new title on every production.  While the franchises will no doubt remain independent in many ways, in time, we might see a joint ethos shape their attitudes closer together.

To read more:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7123582.stm
http://blizzard.com/press/activision-faq.shtml
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Phil

OASC

I just got back from OASC (pronounced Os-ack for some reason).  It stands for Officer and Aircrew Selection Centre, and is involves 3 days of extensive mental testing.

I'll blog about it in more detail shortly, but for now, I'll just say it seemed to go well - I got to the end of it and now I have to wait 3 weeks to hear the final result.

Eek.

Anyway, thanks for all those who prayed and supported me in preparation of this, it really made a huge difference.  Course this is not the last I'll be needing of that, as there is still the physical testing portion to come!

That's all for now - will tell ya'll about it more depth soon :)
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Phil